


(thought of you and) am i blue

by hyerewolf



Series: honey, ask me, i should know [7]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Recreational Drug Use, Song: Almost (Sweet Music) (Hozier), mentions of alcohol and weed, past yvesoul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23583190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyerewolf/pseuds/hyerewolf
Summary: If someone asked Jinsoul how she ended up like this, she wouldn't know where to start weaving the story.
Relationships: Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Series: honey, ask me, i should know [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1438996
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	(thought of you and) am i blue

If someone asked Jinsoul how she ended up in a grungy, off-street bar on a Saturday evening, she wouldn't know where to start weaving the story. With the hours upon hours she's spent alone in her apartment, staring at the walls? With the break up? The moment she felt their love slowly fade away, but wasn't ready to let go? Their first kiss? Or maybe with the day she met Sooyoung for the first time, in a bar not unlike this one?

But no one asks her about that - or anything else - when she's sitting on a bar stool by the counter, nursing her third glass of whiskey this evening. The bartender has stopped trying to make a small talk with her after she looked him dead in the eye with a blank, yet deadly, stare and resorted to pouring more liquid gold into her glass whenever she needed it. It's not the night to think about how money much she's spending on trying to feel numb.

Numb enough not notice when someone sits right beside her.

"What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" a teasing voice asks, and something in Jinsoul's chest collapses onto itself like a house of cards. She's heard that line before, long enough for it to feel like it was in a different life, and still remembers where her answer led her in the very end - an empty apartment and endless nights full of tears.

"I'm not looking for a company right now," she says hollowly, taking a long swing from her glass. The alcohol in it isn't even good, she realizes.

From the corner of her eye, she sees the other girl nod slowly. "Fair."

"Fair."

A beat of silence.

"I'm Jungeun."

Before the evening ends, Jinsoul finds herself slowly making her way down Jungeun's neck, and then even lower, not all thanks to the alcohol buzzing in her veins. Her rushing blood turns into ice for a split second when the other girl's whimper sounds eerily familiar, but Jinsoul doesn't let that stop her.

* * *

Soft notes of a jazz song are drifting from a music player's speakers through the bedroom when Jinsoul wakes up, faint sunlight sipping through the drawn curtains. She doesn't recognize the room she's in right away, but the melody, smooth and lulling, is all too familiar, although she doesn't know the title of the song - it was always Sooyoung's thing to play the music when they were spending time together, and Jinsoul just accepted it. She can't help but hum along as she stares at the ceiling, recalling the events of the last night fuzzy piece by fuzzy piece.

She rubs her eyes. As she leaves the bedroom, dressed in those parts of her last attire she could easily locate for now, the music follows her like a shadow.

As she walks down a barely familiar hallway, she can't help but expect to see a tall, dark-haired girl leaning against the windowsill and sipping black coffee from a jagged mug. She can almost taste the bitterness that will be left on her lips after the girl kisses her. Instead, she's greeted with a flurry of fair hair as Jungeun turns around from the stove with a big smile on her face.

"Good morning," she says, a pan in her right hand, a spatula in the other. She's wearing Jinsoul's shirt, the same one she threw on the floor last night, the one that Sooyoung got her and she likes too much to finally get read of it, even though she knows she _should_. "I made us breakfast, your favourite."

Jinsoul blinks, still sleepy, the melody seeping into the kitchen from the bedroom, not so long ago familiar and comforting, now drilling into her head and distracting. She doesn't remember telling Jungeun her meal preferences or how she likes her scrambled eggs if any, but she doesn't remember many things, including some of the many nights they've spent together.

"Thank you," she mutters, sitting down.

* * *

The smoke obscures her view of the room, fights its way into her nostrils, and seeps into her clothes; she feels like her head is wrapped in several layers of cotton. The slow, swaying notes of yet another jazz piece playing from an old gramophone are like a melody from another life, one that Jinsoul thought long gone.

In that life, the girl sitting on the couch across her has straight black hair and bunny teeth, her full lips stretched into a blissful smile as she takes the joint from Jinsoul.

She doesn't take her eyes off the girl who manages to blow out a smoke ring, and then another. They both break out into giggles when she fails the third one.

"What's so funny?" Jungeun asks, a confused smile playing on her lips. The laughter almost dies in Jinsoul's throat.

"You," she says, quickly regaining her footing, poking the other girl's side. Her lips are still stretched into a smile, but she knows it doesn't really reach her eyes anymore.

"Me?" Jungeun pouts and Jinsoul, already moderately high, feels like maybe she's flown too close to the sun and now she's about to fall down, down, _down_ , because the younger girl saw all the way through her bluff, all her bluffs, and the flimsy foundations she's been building for so long are about to cave in on themselves.

"No, I mean- I didn't mean to- I-" She stumbles on syllabes, desperately trying to come up with something, but she's drawing a blank and her mind feels like it's swimming in syrup, sweet like the sounds of the trumpet flowing from the speakers, comforting just a second ago, but now feeling like a trap.

Jungeun laughs that pearly laugh of hers and through the mist of anxiety and hemp Jinsoul thinks it really compliments the song playing right now. The younger girl leans forward, almost falling down from the couch in the process, and crashes her lips, still smiling, into Jinsoul's.

This smile tastes different from the one Jinsoul will forever be used to, but now she thinks it may not be such a bad thing.

* * *

Jungeun closes her laptop with a content sigh and scoots closer to Jinsoul who's been reading a book for a while already.

Jinsoul's phone, until now forgotten on the bedstand next to her, lets out a high-pitched ping, completely ruining their peace and disturbing the music. Jungeun shots her a puzzled look from her book and gets an apologetic smile in response when Jinsoul reaches to grab the device.

The smile melts away from her lips when she taps the innocent-looking Instagram notification. She knows it was a mistake the moment the app finishes loading.

It's Sooyoung. A photo of her, surrounded by flowers in full bloom. She's in some kind of a garden, Jinsoul figures, because it's a logical conclusion, but she might as well be a goddess of spring, just passing by in the realm of mortals, with the way she seems to radiate beauty and sunlight. She's smiling the brightest, happiest smile Jinsoul has ever seen. Against her better judgement, she scrolls down, to see the caption under the pic.

_Taken by my darling, my destiny! Adore you~_

Jinsoul's throat constricts as something between bitter anger and sour sadness threathens to spill out of her. She blinks, hard, feeling tears starting to well up.

Jungeun must've noticed, because she wiggles gently so she can look directly at Jinsoul. "Is everything alright?" she asks, worry written all over her features.

Jinsoul sighs. She doesn't know where to start weaving the story, so she locks her phone and puts it back on the bedstand, right next to the speakers. "Yes," she says instead, smiling sweetly like the music flowing in the background, and chooses to kiss Jungeun.

**Author's Note:**

> "note created: 23rd march 2019" oh boy did this one take a long time to finish and was a pain for multiple reasons. :')
> 
> twt/curiouscat: @bbywolfs
> 
> (splashes away)


End file.
